Things I have learned and/or accomplished over the past four months:
· I have made financial decisions….and felt good about them
· I met with our financial advisor for the first times since we got married….not smart, I know but that was something I didn’t want to be a part of…now I am…it feels good
· I have potty trained our daughter – with the wonderful help of her teachers at school and our family
· I have had both cars maintenance and even washed one of them…..this is huge and I can hear my husband laughing now!
· I have managed to get Kennedy to go to sleep every night after 3 songs, no less than 2 hugs and 4 kisses and typically 2 or 3 good nights and I love yous
· I have mastered our sprinklers and have managed to water our lawn so it stays green – with the help of our awesome neighbors
· I have fallen asleep even when scared and learned that I will still wake up and will then not be scared anymore
· I have woken up even when I didn’t want to or didn’t think I had the strength or the courage to make it through another ‘getting ready’ debacle with Kennedy
· I have cried – not in front of many people because I just can’t…..but I have cried…..many tears
· I have prayed – I’m still trying to figure out who I’m praying to (so give me breathing room on this) but I have still prayed and asked for help
· I have eaten cereal on the kitchen floor with Kennedy
· I have fallen in love with Friday Night Lights……a little late but it’s still amazing
· I have learned what it means to make time for ‘me’ and I’ve learned to never take it for granted
· I have managed to do the dishes, make two kinds of dinner, feed the dogs, pay bills and text all at the same time
· I have realized that being a single parent is one of the hardest things I have EVER had to do and I take great pride in knowing that I can do it. I don’t ever want to do this again, but it’s a nice feeling to know I can make it happen
· I have learned that if I’m prepared I can grocery shop with Kennedy and be in and out of the store within 20 minutes
· I have learned that a good book is a mini vacation
· I have remembered to put the garbage out every week and have stopped cussing Chris out every time I have to do it
I have struggled with doing a blog post because I over analyze everything I have to say, everything I have to share, everything I think, everything I do…..so when I’m at the point of putting it on paper I just assume I will bore the crap out of all of you. BUT I need to realize that this blog is my outlet. This is where I get to say my piece. This is where I get to leave it and move on.
My life right now feels pretty good. When Chris left I struggled everyday to figure out if I could do this. Could I make everything happen that needed or needs to happen on a daily basis? For months I second guessed myself. For months I told myself I could. For months I worried about getting everything done. And guess what? One day last week I woke up and I realized that I AM doing all of this. I’m doing everything I wasn’t sure I could do. I know that sounds a little lame and sometimes I probably make it sound like my life and my responsibilities are the hardest things in the world to accomplish…..they aren’t…I know they aren’t…but for me they are difficult. Why do I think they are so difficult? Because I want to do everything and accomplish everything in the best possible light and with the best possible outcome. But DUDE, that is a lot of pressure to put on any one person. And when YOU are the one putting the pressure on yourself you can end up backing yourself into a corner feeling like you are too scared to try. I have learned slowly that I need to be more gentle with myself, trust myself more, not take myself so seriously and as my dear Aunt Sherry would say…..don’t sweat the small shit!
I’m standing, I’m doing this and damn it I’m proud of myself!
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