Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I Washed a Truck.

I washed a truck.  I spent an hour washing a truck on Sunday.  It was dirty and I had an hour to kill, so I figured I just wash it and enjoy the sunshine at the same time.  Simple as that.

I pulled the truck out to the middle of the driveway.  I put the carwash soap in the big orange bucket and added water.  I watched the bubbles as they multiplied and loved that the water was warm from the sun.  I grabbed the sponge.  I even grabbed the step stool so I could reach the hood and roof.  I sprayed the truck down and started cleaning.

This is when it became more than just washing a truck.

It was my husband’s truck.  A gray 2006 F-150 he has named ‘Hefe’ and I have named ‘Daddy’s Truck’. It’s nothing flashy.  It’s not lifted. It doesn’t have huge wheels on it.  The front two windows aren’t even tinted.  It looks like a normal F-150, but to me it holds so many memories – memories I have never even considered until I washed it.  Alone. On a sunny day.

Chris bought this truck after he returned from his last deployment to Afghanistan.  I put the first tear in the upholstery not long after it was purchased.  He was thrilled. We moved most of our house in the bed of that thing. We have watched fireworks from the tail gate. We have gone on many dates.  We brought our daughter home in that truck. In the snow and ice and it kept us safe. We dropped Chris off for this deployment in his truck.  All of his gear took up the entire backseat.    Most recently I ran over our friends son’s toy lawn mower as I was trying to back it into the driveway.  Yes, I replaced it.  When Chris comes home on leave and when he comes home for good we will pick him up in Hefe.  We will start where we left off. In. That. Truck.

I never knew a vehicle with 4 wheels could mean so much. I never realized that I would be so affected by cleaning it.  I didn’t realize that I would cry halfway through.  I didn’t realize that I would smile at the same time.  I had no idea I would feel so much pride.  I had no idea a gray F-150 could represent so much of what Chris and I are.

I drove it for the rest of the day on Sunday.  I didn’t want to let go of everything it helped me feel during its bath.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Wreaths.....what's not to love?!?!


Making things.  That is what calms me.  Gives me a sense of peace.  Typically provides immediate gratification. 

Over the past few months I haven’t been making much.  Ask me why and I wouldn’t be able to tell you but a few days ago I just felt I had to make something, so off to pinterest I went.  Have you ever been to that site?  Well, if not it’s…um….addicting in all forms.  Check it out, www.pinterest.com and follow me!  Oh, and get ready to fall in love and waste your entire afternoon looking through everything.

So a few nights ago I put Kennedy to bed and started in on this small little wreath project while I watched Company Men.  Have you ever seen it? If not, you can skip it.  You’re welcome.  Anyway, I started cutting and tying and hot glue gunning and viola…..this is what came of it:



I love it and think it turned out great!  All I need to do now is make another one for my second door.

I got my inspiration from a this Halloween wreath I saw yesterday:



I just changed the fabric and added the flowers because I super puffy heart cloth flowers.  If you are interested in seeing the tutorial, visit http://www.craftaholicsanonymous.net/2010/09/boo-wreath-tutorial.html.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Friday, July 15, 2011

It's been a while.....so here is where I will start....

Things I have learned and/or accomplished over the past four months:

·         I have made financial decisions….and felt good about them

·         I met with our financial advisor for the first times since we got married….not smart, I know but that was something I didn’t want to be a part of…now I am…it feels good

·         I have potty trained our daughter – with the wonderful help of her teachers at school and our family

·         I have had both cars maintenance and even washed one of them…..this is huge and I can hear my husband laughing now!

·         I have managed to get Kennedy to go to sleep every night after 3 songs, no less than 2 hugs and 4 kisses and typically 2 or 3 good nights and I love yous

·         I have mastered our sprinklers and have managed to water our lawn so it stays green – with the help of our awesome neighbors

·         I have fallen asleep even when scared and learned that I will still wake up and will then not be scared anymore

·         I have woken up even when I didn’t want to or didn’t think I had the strength or the courage to make it through another ‘getting ready’ debacle with Kennedy

·         I have cried – not in front of many people because I just can’t…..but I have cried…..many tears

·         I have prayed – I’m still trying to figure out who I’m praying to (so give me breathing room on this) but I have still prayed and asked for help

·         I have eaten cereal on the kitchen floor with Kennedy

·         I have fallen in love with Friday Night Lights……a little late but it’s still amazing

·         I have learned what it means to make time for ‘me’ and I’ve learned to never take it for granted

·         I have managed to do the dishes, make two kinds of dinner, feed the dogs, pay bills and text all at the same time

·         I have realized that being a single parent is one of the hardest things I have EVER had to do and I take great pride in knowing that I can do it.  I don’t ever want to do this again, but it’s a nice feeling to know I can make it happen

·         I have learned that if I’m prepared I can grocery shop with Kennedy and be in and out of the store within 20 minutes

·         I have learned that a good book is a mini vacation

·         I have remembered to put the garbage out every week and have stopped cussing Chris out every time I have to do it

I have struggled with doing a blog post because I over analyze everything I have to say, everything I have to share, everything I think, everything I do…..so when I’m at the point of putting it on paper I just assume I will bore the crap out of all of you.  BUT I need to realize that this blog is my outlet.  This is where I get to say my piece.  This is where I get to leave it and move on. 

My life right now feels pretty good.  When Chris left I struggled everyday to figure out if I could do this.  Could I make everything happen that needed or needs to happen on a daily basis?  For months I second guessed myself.  For months I told myself I could.  For months I worried about getting everything done.  And guess what?  One day last week I woke up and I realized that I AM doing all of this.  I’m doing everything I wasn’t sure I could do.  I know that sounds a little lame and sometimes I probably make it sound like my life and my responsibilities are the hardest things in the world to accomplish…..they aren’t…I know they aren’t…but for me they are difficult.  Why do I think they are so difficult?  Because I want to do everything and accomplish everything in the best possible light and with the best possible outcome.  But DUDE, that is a lot of pressure to put on any one person.  And when YOU are the one putting the pressure on yourself you  can end up backing yourself into a corner feeling like you are too scared to try.  I have learned slowly that I need to be more gentle with myself, trust myself more, not take myself so seriously and as my dear Aunt Sherry would say…..don’t sweat the small shit!

I’m standing, I’m doing this and damn it I’m proud of myself!